Feel The Future of Those Balls, on Your Feet! Football Season is Close!
Written By: Jarrid Kosa at Lunch Beers…
Burp. It is August 25th, 2021.
There is not much more one could ask for than a connection with Christ, family, a magnificent serving of hot wings, a zillion beers, and a hefty wager on an NFL game. I anxiously await every waking second of existence to watch football. I love making money on football. I love thinking about football, I love throwing a football, I love dropping a football, I just love it so much. Football is the greatest thing next to Jesus and the 2021/2022 NFL season already has so much juice to tease you with.
I have been betting on NFL football for 2 years now. Sadly, I must admit I was once a square and did not keep fine records. However, I did hit a 9 team NFL parlay on week 17 in 2019. I had the Buc’s at +2500 to win the Super Bowl in 2020 and I had a record of 134-98. No Pushes, which is wild. Wish the losers were pushes, I fucking hate defeat. Some Monday’s I go to dark places. But, The Boys at Lunch Beers can confirm my record. I am not in it for clout, I truly love the game and I kind of like creative writing. That is my fruity trait. I love fruity beer like Sour Monkey by Victory. Anyway, since I love to share, I am sharing my team total plays for the 2021 season with you. Please, go and fade me. Oh by the way that is me, on the field, during a Ravens playoff game, with two smoke show cheerleaders. Shout out to the Quast family for that one.
If you love the NFL then I hope you love this league breakdown division by division, team by team, players to put MVP bets on, and teams to follow on Twitter for good laughs when they absolutely collapse. This of course is being written while beers are being chugged, so drink up, break a can down, and don’t fumble your pocket book. This is a Lunch Beers (not yet trademarked) breakdown not an ESPN article, have fun jeez. And stop reading in that weird voice you have in your head you know it’s weird, like really weird, you little creep. Lmfao Oh, real quick. If I spelled anyone’s name wrong or there is bad grammar in here just fucking deal with it please. Sorry, something is spelled incorrectly like if you are one of those people, just get the fuck over it. Cool thanks. Let’s do it!
NFC EAST:
More like the NFC least. I have to start with the NFC East because it’s almost as big of a joke as how I closed out that interlude. In 2020 you could have easily compared the NFC East to a bucket of the worst types of garbage on the planet, like that really smelly trash that burns your nose and burns your brain. The fact that a 7-9 team can have a home field advantage in the playoffs is a joke. Every year people in the NFC love to hype up their teams and they all stink. The only team I believe the fans to be modest is the WFT and it was really hard not to cheer them on last year while Alex Smith inspired the entire world and that Washington defense has given a lot for football fans, hahahah get it cuz they are the football team, anyway they are excited about the defense. Like just name the team something new losers come on, let’s break them down first.
The Washington Football Team -
The 7-9 football team made it to the 2020 playoffs via smoke and mirrors, Not many teams lost two games to a division rival and claimed first place in the division but when you have a great coach like Ron Rivera, God bless his cancer kicking ass! You also had a dude that might have came back in bigger style than Bruce Wayne when returns after getting smoked by Bane. What Alex Smith did deserves a million awards, name the damn award after the guy like seriously. Now, sadly we knew that story had a quick turn around, but the change in QB from a game manager to a gun-sligner is a wild move by the Football Team. It smells like BDE and appears that WFT does not give a shit if Fitzmagic turns over the ball and they will stop you. They are going to need this squad to stay healthy if they are going to make any type of push for a top five team in the NFC. They bring a strong core of players on offense that could have an explosive year in Scary Terry, Bitch…. Logan Thomas, Antonio Gibson, Fitzmagic, Curtis Samuel, and J.D. Mckissic. Now we know the defense is nasty and this offensive group is looking strong, but WFT has the 15th hardest schedule in the NFL this year and the end of the year comes with five straight division match-ups. The team total for Washington is 8.5 around most shops and it is hard to fade the football team when they have the best defense in the NFC east and you know what they say, defense wins championships. I am looking for Fitzmagic to flip the bird to Miami and make a splash in the NFC east in 2021. I think the over 8.5 wins is obtainable if they can beat the eagles, and giants twice and steal one from the cowboys. I think it could be worth throwing a small wager on WFT to go crazy and win the super bowl and 50/1 since they are woke now, God might bless them you know? They are a solid +230 to win the NFC east which seems very attainable and another bet to trail onto the win total. Going to be a fun year to watch the Football Team for sure! Best Bet Over 8 wins -139. Push/Win Shot Under 8.5 +100.
The Dallas Cowboys -
I am unsure how this organization filled with some of the biggest bozos can be favorites to win the NFC east when their star QB is coming back from a brutal injury, and every player on the team having no respect for Mr. Massage Mike, but alas them Cowboys be the favorites at a reasonable plus price at +130. (please read that in a southern accent). The biggest question for me is how is Dak? It was awesome to see him light it up to start the year before his ankle folded harder than his predecessor under pressure and the Cowboys offense on paper is like, sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh! But the defense is going to need a lot from first rounder Micah Parsons, which to me always seems unfair to ask a lot out of a rookie. They do have DeMarcus Lawerence on that edge as well, but looking at their schedule they will need a lot more help from others on the defensive side of the ball. Now they do have the second easiest schedule in the nfl compared to all the lamestream media, but those people are a bunch of trend following dumb dumbs. I am expecting the cowboys to beat up on the eagles at least, and split one with NY and, maybe get one from WFT, but they have to play the NFC south, which includes the bucs and saints, which i would guess are two L’s right there. They play the chiefs, auto L, Vikings, Raiders, and Broncos. I don’t fucking know how that is easy, but whatever. I am rooting hard for DAK to win comeback player of the year at +210 but this is a team I will not be betting futures on them because they haven’t been clutch in forever. Let me see ya win a big game cowgirls like cmon now. I like the Under 9 wins at+115 a lot i mean think about it they had andy dalton last year, with that offense the best backup you could ask for, but mike mccarthy sucks and i will be fading his poor decision making skills all year long and watching mr.a roast yall for an extra week this year. Bet Under 9 Wins -120.
The Philadelphia Eagle -
E.A.G.L.E.S stfu yall are gonna be the worst team in the history of the NFL. Like Philly does with every team, they have now run almost everyone out of town who brought them success and have a new coach at the helm named Nick Sirianni the former OC for the Colts were kinda filth last year. But, we don’t even know who the starting QB will be, the eagles Oline will be folding all year long and jalen will be looking for his old cardboard cut out friends cuz the trashy eagles fans will be booing him and probably throwing trash on the field by week 3. This might be the exact reason to bet them at 100/1 to win the super bowl cuz sometimes shit doesn't make sense and that would be the most Philly thing to happen. They do have the easiest schedule in the league, but they are still 5/1 to win the NFC EAST and their win total is 6.5. I would love to see if there was a bet to fade them against every NFC east opponent this year and what the odds are because I don't see them winning many games in the division and they are easily a top 5 worst team in the NFL right now. Hope 2018 was worth it losers. Bet Under 6.5 Wins +120.
The New York Giants -
If the giants can refrain from beating the shit out their own QB for 17 weeks they might have a good chance to win the NFC East at +450, they did take 2 from washington last year which if they can do that again or to anyone else in the division they have a good chance at winning the NFC east with some sweeeeeeet value. Barkley looks to be a solid bet at comeback player of the year at 7/1 and if the giants are going to be competitive they will need our Valley Boy to get shwifty all year long so if you like either bet, I would suggest playing both because the potential winnings are solid. The giants do have the saints, bucs, chiefs, rams, and chargers on their schedule however and like i know we are all thinking that’s 4 L’s right there. I don’t know if i see the giants getting over their win total at 7 but, if you are a fan of the team and want to make the season the sweatiest season ever, i would consider playing it in hopes of a push because there are some soft games in the schedule but i could see them winning at most five games outside of their division. We will see how G these men really are. Bet Over 7 Wins -130. NFC EAST Winner +450.
AFC EAST -
Switching conferences we look into the AFC East, which has some nasty beasts residing within it. The Bills are looking to finally end their pain and have the means to bring home the Lombardi trophy for sure, but it is hard to say they are a lock to win the division when the Hoodie is lurking. Like for real Bill Belicheck is more in tune with the dark side than Emperor Palpitine. If you think the Dolphins will compete LOL at you and the Jets are always ass, but maybe their new Morman ass slayer will provide a spark, let's fly away and dive in starting with the Jets.
The New York Jets -
When I look at this team I think about having to play them at one point in time during the season in a survivor contest and my demons run wild. I will be sure to go to church the day of that play. The Jets may have had an okay draft but like they are the Jets. They are the opposite of that DJ Kahlad song. If you look ahead to the future line they are favored against the Texans, Bengals, Eagles, and Jags. Yikes! I think I would play them against the Texans I guess? Hell, I might bet the Bengals with the points right now while I am writing this. I also ask myself who is Wilson throwing to and how many QB’s NFL careers died because of the jets? The Jets win total is 6 at most shops and I have to lean to the under, The Jets are best at one thing, having a hype draft and then getting shot out of the sky by Tom Cruise. These boys are definitely top guns. Under 6 Wins -120.
The New England Patriots -
Sticking with the teams with the word new, we look at the Patriots where everyone outside of Foxborough rejoiced in 202 while they sucked. They are back at the same number at 9.5 wins and it is so hard to fade Billy B, but Cam Newton is more invested in working for Tyra Banks than winning football games and the Patriots didn’t add much that gets me excited. I don’t think things will get better for them this year, I mean if you can name more than 10 guys on their entire roster, great, but I would not bet on them to win 10 games nor would i bet against them because Bill might turn Mac Jones into a the first good Alabama QB in the NFL. I would lean under 9.5 for sure but tread with caution, I heard Bill voted for Joe Biden because he is still pissed at Tom. Bet Under 9.5 Wins -125.
The Miami Dolphins -
Miami shot themselves in the foot for not giving Fitzmagic some love and Tau has not looked anything like himself since his leg injury in college. The dolphins are not built to win now. Now the Dolphins had the 6th best scoring defense in the NFL in 2020, but we have fans back and I would like to see how they perform on the road when the crowd is shouting them back to the water. Yes, the Dolphins brought back Howard and added a big piece in the offense with wide receiver Will Fuller, but it is hard to rely on everyone else when your QB does not perform. The Dolphins team total is 9 around most places I would look for 9.5 and try to bet that under. Maybe, closer to the season the public might drive that up. You could hope for a push on 9, but I am looking at the look ahead lines and the dolphins are favored in TEN games this year. I will be looking for doggy dog treasure in those games for some outright winners. I mean seriously, when was the last time the Dolphins were the favorites in 10 games? I guess the bookmakers are up to something with that one.. I think this is a team to watch closely, look for value, and hope Tau can play. If not at least Ace Ventura saved the dolphin. Bet Under 9.5 Wins -130.
The Buffalo Bills -
I think this could be the year the Bills can bring it home and that it is absolutely worth looking into at 10/1. With that said I would absolutely fire on the over 11. I think they can sweep the division at 6/1 and it is worth a look for sure. I think if anyone is going to give the Chiefs a run for the money it is these guys. Worst case you push the 11, but I don’t believe that will be the case. The Bills added some huge depth picking up Emmanuel Sanders and Matt Brieda to list some notable free agents. Josh Allen at 12/1 to win MVP is an auto bet. Sean McDermott will whip these boys into good shape and waltz through the AFC East and make a strong push to win it all! Bet Bills Over 11 -110. SB Champs +1000. Josh Allen MVP +1200.
The NFC WEST -
Let’s jump across the country and look into who will win this wild division. This is going to be one of the most amazing races in the NFL this season. The Rams got a real QB, The Niners beefed up in the draft, The Cardinals will suck Dhops dick to get the vax cuz they are nothing without him and the Seahawks despite having the Chef are trending down. Good luck trying to pick a team to win this division. Only team I would not bet is the Seahawks because Pete Carrol refuses to let Russ cook.
The Seattle Seahawks -
It pains me to see a franchise waste the talent of the Great quarterback, but that is exactly what is happening in Seattle. Pete Carroll is going to look to run the ball in 2021 so that should tell you everything you need to know. Their win total is 10 and it is hard to see them win that many games in such a hard division. How many games do they win out of the six against NFC West opponents? Maybe split with the Arizona Cardinals, but I don’t see them beating LA or San Fran. I find zero value with them at +275 to win the division, if I had a book I would open them at +350 for sure and I would be happy to take everyone's action, money, hopes, and dreams on that. The Seahawks division win total is 3.5 (-225) should tell you what you need to know. They can definitely steal some games from the AFC South opponents. However the out of conference NFC North is now cake walk. I will be fading Seattle at under 10 wins. As always, I will be betting on Russ to win MVP at 14/1, because if they win with that outfit it is because he is the best athlete in America. Sad Best Bet Under 10 Wins -120.
The Arizona Cardinals -
The Cardinals are a value play to win the NFC west at +650 and their division win total is 2.5 at -110 to the over or under. To me 9-8 looks like a feasible record for the Cardinals as they can win a bunch of games out of the division, but you never know. I am weary of Hopkins not wanting the shot which makes the Cardinals a stay away team for me right now, but if you must bet you must bet. Bet Over 8.5 -120.
The Los Angeles Rams -
I bought my best friend a LAR over 10 wins for an even money ticket (+100) for his 25th birthday. We are excited about it. Finding the Rams win total at 10.5 right now is a challenge. The vig is leaning -140 at 10.5 for LAR and I don’t think that number is coming down. I am beyond excited to see Matt Stafford with a real team and a really, really, really, really, really, more reallys, really, really, really, good coach. Losing Cam Akers is sad and it makes me sad. I thought he was really turning into a great player, but nonetheless the Rams are still a great team. I think they will run through the NFC North and have a good chance at beating the Packers just because Sean McVay will out Coach all cheese eating fucks and Stafford is used to playing there. They have a bunch of gimme games against the AFC South as well. I am happy I got in on the Rams when I did and it appears the total is still being bet up. Lean over 10.5 wins for the Rams. I guess you could look at Matt Stafford to win MVP at +1800 to win the MVP and now that he has good receivers once again you could tail that with a bet for him to have led the NFL in passing yards at +1200. Going to be a fun team to watch this year. Bet Over 10.5 wins -120. Bet Matt Stafford Most Passing TD’s +2000.
The San Francisco 49er’s -
Favorites to win the NFC West it is tough to bet the Niners to win the division at +180. It is such a short price in an incredibly difficult division. San Fran’s win total is lurking around 10.5. I would lean over because they also will beat up on the AFC South and the NFC North. I think the team total is actually a great bet. Kyle Shanahan is an amazing coach. The thing that worries me is Jimmy G and his health, but I wanna make a bold statement. The Niners open with two easy games, with Detroit and Philly, but the Packers, Seahawks, Cardinals, Colts and Bears. That is not easy work, and if Jimmy is not looking his best how long do they wait to unleash Lance? I think he is worth a look at throwing beer money on Trae Lance at 100/1 to win the MVP. He can play with that team, they are well coached. I would trail with Kittel bets as well. The weapons, narrative, and possibility is there. I think the Niners will win 11 for sure and I would look toward their alternative toals over 12 for some juicer meat. Bet 49er’s Over 10.5 Wins -105.
The AFC West -
Not as exciting as the NFC west because the Chiefs have their way with the NFL like Bill Clinton did with that intern. That was probably hot, they should release the security cam footage of that. Let America see. Anyway….. Yeah uhm the Chiefs are sweet, the Bolts are up and coming and could be a good play to make a Wild Card spot. Raiders eh, and I had to google the fourth team. Lol the Bronco’s duh, sorry John Elway. Learn to draft a QB if you don’t wanna be ripped on.
The Kansas City Chiefs -
It is hard to say anything about the Chiefs other than they are fucking sick. Like seriously wtf, I am so hype for Andy Reid man it is hard to give him coach of the year ever cuz the talent but like good job ya goat. Win total is 12.5 at -130. Shop around look for 12, but is it worth laying -150 to -175? Probably cuz you know they will most likely be in the SuperBowl. Finding value in the Chiefs can be difficult because they are laying such a huge spread, but if you sweat that win total you can hedge with great dogs in week 17 and 18 when they wrap up with the Bengals and Broncos. I think you need to be every Mahomes bet if you have the bankroll. He is +350 to lead the league in passing yards. Like their SB odds Mahomes is 5/1 to win MVP and he is +700 to be offensive player of the year. Like why not let that fly, could look into some Kelce bets as well, but I am getting too drunk to write about that and I gotta push through this, he probably has good odds too just bet him, whatever. Seeing that the Chiefs own the Ravens and haven’t been beaten by the Bills in the playoffs yet, I feel you play them on every plus money future you can. They are sick you know i know it Rick Sanchez knows it, we know, bet them in futures okay bruh? If you don’t you are just a dumb drunk dumb dumb. Stupid. Bet Over 12.5 Wins 130.
The Los Angeles Chargers -
SDC went to LAC to LOL maybe back to LAC in 2021? The Charger’s finally woke up and got Anthony Flynn’s dumb ass out of there so they might have a chance at winning 10 games, but I am just not there yet. The total is 9.5 so no chance at pushing and they play in a division with Chiefs, probably two L’s I think they are good value to finish in second at +175. I love everything about Vegas except their football team. They are bad, we will get into that later tho. The Chargers are laying points in ten games currently and they are in that 3.5 to 2.5 range in a handful of those. They will experience upsets in those games. The question is, how many? I feel that you will get an idea of what Justin Herbert is all about real quick as they open with the Football Team lmfao, the Cowboys, the Chiefs, Raiders, Browns, Ravens, Pats. SHIT. That is what my Boy Ty is thinking as a scared Chargers fan. If they can cover in some of those games, feel good. I am a huge fan of Austin Eikler and Keenan Allen, those guys are fantasy goats. Like the Chargers ain’t that bad and the new head coach Brandon Staley has a defensive background and the offense is getting better, Charger might be a play to make the playoffs at +105 to piggy back the second place bet at +175. I would lean under 9.5, but think they can shock the NFL. Bolts might shock you like the shocker! Under 9.5 Wins -135.
The Las Vegas Raiders -
Fuck the Raiders for having tickets at like a 3 grand minimum. Damn rich people. I got to see Allegiant Stadium up close and personal while I was in Vegas and it is ginormous. It took like an hour just to walk around lol. Anyway, they are not good. If you can find 7.5 I would bet the under that have a lot of tough games on the road including the Browns, Colts, Steeler, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they lose to the Giants in New York. You can double down and find 7 out there. I would not bet that Under because you never know, if Josh Jacobs stays healthy and Defense improves they might upset some people, but I just believe they are still in rebuilding mode. I don’t know if John Brown is a number 1 guy and I think he is the best receiver they have. Not much to like. I would also look into the Vegas angle. Vegas can finally play infront of plays, if opposing teams go out and fuck around it might bite them in the ass, but with covid and shit idk if that willl happen, but it worked for the Golden Knights so tread lightly. Bet Under 7 Wins -105.
The Denver Broncos -
The Broncos QB battle is not much to buck about if you know what I am saying. I love Teddy Covers but he is not going to blow anyone away, he just covers. I can see why the win total is set at 8.5 with a somewhat easy schedule to start, but I don’t think the Broncos offense has enough horsepower to compete in this division. However, I don’t think they are a team that is far away from being good. I love Teddy Bridgewater. I know a few former pro scouts and players who think Drew Lock needs to change his last name, because he is the furthest thing from a lock. There are plenty of potential stars on this team with Melvin Gordon, a hopeful Jerry Jeudy, Bradley Chubb, and Courtland Sutton. The defense is nasty, but i think 8.5 is high for me when the Broncos will probaly fuck up and not start Bridgewater, I think if two gloves plays all year they have a shot to manage a game trust the defense and let the offensive weapons a shot. Problem is Broncos don’t have a downfield arm, sucks their that the Broncos front offense is stupid. I know some sharp guys who like the Broncos over 8.5, but I personally can’t get there at -120. I am not understanding what is happening with the books here so when I get confused I don’t bet. Now it could be because the defense is sick and the offense has hope, and they have the 5th easiest schedule, but remember what teams are in the division. I will bet the Broncos when they are dogs and when they play the Chargers and Raiders, but this total is hard for me, I lean under 8.5 at even money. Bet Under 8.5 Wins +100.
The NFC SOUTH -
Well we might as well just call this Tom Brady’s division already since every player from last year’s super bowl roster is coming back, like wtf Tom FR. They will probably waltz away with it lol. Drew Brees' arm is dead and gone, but he still owns 12 Jimmy Johns so that is dope. I heard they have really good crab legs in New Orleans so the Saints will most likely be marching in wherever they can get some of those tasty crab legs. Sam Darnold has to be going to church every Sunday to thank God for getting him out of New York, and the Falcons are maybe looking like they can finish in the top three after having a good Draft, but Drew is definitely trying to get Matt to come work at his Jimmy Johns and that is scary because Falcons back ups are trash if you have been watching the preseason. How cool if the Bucs came in last lol, nah that will never happen smh fml. I wonder if the Saints will be last? Panthers will probably be last, or the Falcons, I don’t know but I think this division is trending in the wrong direction outside of Tampa Bay, it is probably because Ron Desantis is a great governor. Charlotte is also a dope city, I know a girl there. She is Married now, that is weird. I also know another girl there. But, I love my Girlfriend sorry ladies. Charlotte is nice boys, you should go.
The Carolina Panthers -
The Panthers have some of the coolest uniforms if you ask me, but you know what they don’t have? An offensive line. Sam Darnold might be thankful that Southern women are way easier to get into bed opposed to those stuck up City girls, but he better being going to Church with them and their MawMaws (Read that in like a heavy ass southern accent it is funnier that way) because he is going to get broken if this line does not improve. The other big question is always will their star running back Christian McCaffery be healthy? The Panthers strength of schedule is ranked 26th so it looks easy on paper, but a team that cannot protect their QB does not have much value for me. The O-Line seems to be in experimental mode vs rebuild mode as they have some one guy Pat Elflein now he did play two positions on the O-Line at Ohio State, but the NFL is different and well in two games vs the Bucs defense the O-Line will look different than an average one in the NFL, it will look like poop. The win Total for the Panthers is 7.5 shaded to the over. Matt Rhule is a good coach and he might be able to build this team up and I could see them stealing a game from the Saints or Falcons potentially, but I feel they will put a heavy load of the work on McCaffery and for that reason I would look and some of his props because he is back, healthy, rested, and ready to go. His rushing yard yard prop is a little high at 1200 shaded to the over, even money to the under which is actually what I would play. If the offensive line is bad he will have to be breaking through tackles all season and that is going to wear him down. If you like it however I think you have to play receiving + rushing over 1850.5 at -188 because he has rushed and caught for 1000 each way before. I think he will get more dump offs than run attempts but we will have to see. I lean Panthers under due to my concerns with the line. Bet Under 7.5 Wins -105.
The Atlanta Falcons -
The Falcons had to put the dog down and give Dan Quinn the ole’ yeller. They bring in the former Titans offensive coordinator Arthur Smith, and I think his resume speaks for itself. The guy earned his shot to be a head coach and I am excited to see what he can do with the Falcons. The Falcons also have the third easiest schedule in the 2021 season. These birds might be slaying this season, sheesh. Matt Ryan can still kinda play and the loss of Julio is sad for them, but the Draft of Kyle Pitts is exciting and I think he is worth betting over 7 receiving TD’s as they already have a great blocking TE in Hayden Hurst who will be a good mentor for Pitts. Pitts is also 10/1 to win offensive rookie of the year. I think that also can be a play. The Falcons offense is kind of looking dirty this year and there is a lot for Ryan to look for. I will stay away from Calvin Ridley props this year since he is now the guy the defense will be focusing on and I want that to breathe. The Falcons defense is ranked 8th worst in the NFL which is scary for a total, but with the offense I would lean over 7.5 wins shaded at -135. I would also look to bet their games over this season as well as the Falcons are favorites in 7 games this season and the defense is bad. Smells like points to me. This is going to be a fun team to watch. I am excited to see how the offense will handle a good D mmmmm good D! Sorry, I got excited. Anyway the Falcons play the Bucs and Football team in 2 and 4, they are on the road vs the bucs. That is going to be a great test and it’s must watch football. I don’t think the Falcons are a playoff team because the NFC North and West have better teams in my opinion, but I would give them a play at +300 to finish in second in the NFC South and over 7.5 wins for sure. This team is trending up. Bet Over 7.5 Wins -135.
The New Orleans Saints -
The Saints are the team I believe to be trending down in the NFC south which is not said litley when Sean Payton is the head coach. Like if that statement was a beer it would be like the thickest stout you can think of. The win total is currently at 9 with the Vig shading the over at -135. I just can’t get there with Crab Legs and Hill. This is such a huge change and I know Sean Payton is a top five coach, but I just don’t see a leader in the club house right now outside of coach. The team is already having a ton of issues and Micheal Thoms has his phone on do not disturb. This receiving unit without him is kind of pooooopy. I could google the names of the other receivers so you get my point, but I won't because I know Jared Cook and Emanule Sanders dipped out like Winston dips his crab legs in defeat flavored butter. I can’t get to 9. I won’t bet it in respect for Sean Payton, but If i really needed too because I am crying for help I would take under 9 wins at even money. Bet Under 9 Wins -120.
The Tampa Bay Buccaneers -
When you look at this team, you just say holy shit. Filth. The defense was the best in the league opposing the run and they blitz like mother fuckers. Like I think they could sweep the division for real. Their division win total is 4.5 wins at -185. I don’t use this word lightly, but LOCK! Like forget about it. I had the Bucs to win it all last year and let me tell you I wish I bet more on it haha. They are a strong pick to repeat as SB Champs at 6/1. The bucs team total is high at 12 at -110. But like that is a fair price and worth a bet when they have a returning SB roster. Not easy, but kind of a no brainer. Bet Over 12 Wins -110.
AFC SOUTH -
This division outside of the Titans and Colts are hot garbage. While the Colts do have a lot of question marks, they are not hot garbage yet. I would bet the exact finishing positions Titans, Colts, Jaguars, Texans. There is not much to say other than that. Titans to finish first and Colts to place second is +150. I think that is worth the play.
The Tennessee Titans -
The Titans have the 13th most difficult schedule in 2021, but they made the move to add Julio Jones which might put that offense over the top. They gained a huge edge in the AFC South when the Carson Wentz news broke out the Titans moved to slight favorites in the division at -105. Now, I use Draftkings in PA for most of my football numbers, but I will be shopping around to find some even money on that play. The Titans win total is at 9 and I think they sweep Jacksonville and Houston, but two games against the Colts are still no gimme. I only see the offense for the Titans getting better and with the addition of Julilo the lethal receiver A.J Brown gets free up a little. I like Brown at 15/1 to lead the league in receiving yards. I say this because the Titans love play-action bombs and I can see Brown having a breakout year. He came in 16th last year in that stat, but I think there is a good shot at holding value on that ticket toward the end of the year. In a 17 game schedule I don’t see the Titans going .500 or worse. Bet Over 9 Wins -160.
The Indianapolis Colts -
Damn gingers must not have souls because Carson Wentz came for a bag then dipped. I bet the Colts under 10 wins back in Mat. I am almost a little nervous because backup Jacob Eason has looked great in the pre-season. I basically made the play as an anti-Wentz play and if you aren’t a stupid, dumb, stupid, fucking, dumb Eagles fan how could you blame me? The Guy looked terrible last year. However, the Colts are well coached and their offense is very good so 10 is no gimmie. However, since their current total is 9 shaded to the under at -130 and the over is even money. I don’t know if I really believe in them to win 9 games because they have two guys hurt on the starting offensive line. That is my biggest concern and I will be watching them early to sprinkle more on. I think there is a lot of room to get value in the exact division finishing position and win totals. That is where I would look. AT 9 wins I am still leaning Under. I Hold An Under 10 Wins Ticket -139. Bet Under 9 wins -120.
The Jacksonville Jaguars -
I was really sad when Urban Myer cut Tim Tebow. I don’t get how America hates Timmy T so much, but whatever. The Jags are still in rebuild mode so if you have rich parents who can feed you when you lose all your money, sure bet this team over 6.5 wins. I think they can at least beat Houston twice, and I am considering playing the Jags week one VS Houston in my Survivor contest. But, idk yet. That is scary. Jags strength of schedule is ranked 18th most difficult, so don’t forget that when you are super drunk scrolling through your app just shitting money on dumb shit. Don’t be that guy. Trevor this Trevor that. I don’t see seven wins. Under 6.5 please. Bet Under 6.5 -110.
The Houston Texans -
It is hard to believe things got worse for this team when they finally got rid of Bill O’Brien, but welcome to Earth. I can and it will get worse. Bet this team under four wins, fade them all season long. They don’t deserve more than a paragraph, fuck this team, ew stinky poopy, smelly, trash. Bet Under 4 Wins -110.
The NFC NORTH -
You got Cheese, people who don’t know how to pronounce the word “the”, a team that has a large investment in plexiglass, and a team that is about to go bankrupt. The Aaron Rodgers revenge tour part 17. My God did the Packers fuck up his prime. I don’t think anyone can beat the Packers in this division though. I think we all know that.
The Green Bay Packers -
I really do love Cheese. I also love to bet on the Packers because they win a lot. Like what even is Green Bay other than a football town? It is nothing. They should just call it Cheesy Football Town. Packers at +1300 to win the Super Bowl? If you don’t bet on it now you will be sad when they make a playoff run and Matt LaFleur actually goes for it on 4th down this season. Or maybe he will kick it again idk. The Packers team total is at 10 which seems low to me. However, you are laying 150 bucks if you want to see it through. I mean in a 17 game season how do they not win 10 games? I’ll fuckin lay that right now. Or maybe I will wait? As there is some news around Za'darius Smith being hurt and he is one of the best defenders on the team. Some sharp money may get too smart and give us Cheese heads a better number. If I had a book I would have the Pack at 10.5 for sure. Packers -160 to win the division I will play that as well. You know Rodgers is done with the Packers after this year so I would bet him to win the MVP at 10/1 and Davante Adams is worth looking at 9/1 to lead the league in receiving yards as he also posted a last dance photo on Social media. Going to be an interesting year in the brick ass town. Bet Over 10 wins -150. Aaron Rodgers MVP +1500.
The Minnesota Vikings -
What is your favorite Soda? I only ask because I feel like everyone pronounces Minnesota like the “t” is a “d”. Probably cuz everyone in America loves D. I love Sunny D, Vodka, and Sprite that is for sure. You will probably need a few of those to watch this team. Head Coach Mike Zimmer is having a hard time getting his team Vaccinated and Kirk Cousins apparently now lives in a glass house. That for me screams stay away, cuz like they could be good, but sounds like drama. The total is at 9 shaded -110 both ways. The Vikings have the 5ht hardest schedule in the NFL and they are having clubhouse issues? Yikes. I guess for those reasons I would lean under. Bet Under 9 Wins -110.
The Chicago Bears -
I bet you thought I was gonna start my first sentence here with DA BEARS! I would If I was lame and unfunny, but I am not. You know who is lame though? Matt Nagy. The dude is an idiot, they finally got rid of MVP Mitch, but I feel bad for Justin Fields. I am not sure how he will fair when his coaches play calling is constantly under fire from the team. Now the Defense is still fire and this could be a fun team to watch this year if Fields really makes a difference. The Bears have the hardest schedule amongst teams in this division and the 3rd most difficult schedule in the NFL. The Bears are only favorites in 4 games out of 17 this year. With the win total at 7.5 and those facts staring you in the face, enjoy watching this team start to trend up. I don’t think it is their time yet. Fade Nagy. Bet Under 7.5 Wins -115.
The Detroit Lions -
Jared Goff at +1200 to throw the most interceptions in the league and the Lions under 4.5 at even money and the Lions might go 0-17. You can bet them to win exactly 3 games at +350 and the 4 wins at +400. I think that is worth a play. This is going to be a great team to fade all season long in contests. They suck. Bet Under 4.5 Wins +100.
The AFC NORTH -
The AFC North is filled with some beefy boys let me tell you. This Division is so competitive and so up for grabs. We saw the Browns finally get the poop stain off their jersey’s last year, finally winning their first playoff game since 1994. Too bad soviet america couldn’t let Cleveland fans enjoy that moment in the stadium, they can congregate in groups at the bar, parking lot and parties though. Lol fucking so dumb what is life. Anyway Big Ben has been looking good in pre-season and with the defense and coaching staff you cannot count them out at +500 to win the division. The Ravens are SB competitors if they can beat the Chiefs, Bills, and Browns if they see them in the playoffs. I pray Joe Burrow stays healthy all year because the Benagls looked formidable with him out there and that team is trying to turn it around. It is going to be a super sweaty season in the AFC North and I will need a zillion beers when watching their games.
The Cleveland Browns -
Do you know what a Cleveland steamer is? Look it up. The Browns finally gained some steam in the last three years and it is looking like their time to shine. They are +150 to win the division and have a win total of 10.5 -110. The Browns have the 9th toughest schedule this year in the NFL and I have a hard time seeing them winning more than 5 games in the division. I think you gotta keep riding this steamy Browns team and bet that over, they are favorites in 13 games this year and have games against the AFC North. With Pittsburgh in game 16 you will have an opportunity to hedge out our double down this win total. Bet the Browns over 10.5 if you aren’t a shit turd. Bet Over 10.5 Wins -110.
The Baltimore Ravens -
I got BIGG TRUSS in the Ravens this season, even though the Browns scare the shit out of me lol what a pun. I still think Baltimore is an absolute unit, and they only got better. The Rashad Bateman draft and Sammy Watkins pick up appears to add some beef to an air attack that was lacking last year. The Ravens are looking absolutely stacked on both sides of the coin and you need to add in the Justin Tucker factor when looking at this win total of 11. He adds a special goat flavor in three point games that no other NFL team gets to taste. I think it is more likely for the Ravens to win to go 12-5 than 10-7 so at 11 wins at even money you can at least hope for a push as well and that makes that team total more appealing. They won 11 last year and got an extra game and improved offense so put that in your mug and gulp it down. The Ravens look like a solid play at +1400 to win the Super Bowl and +650 to win the AFC. Not a ton of value to bet on them to win the AFC North at +115 specially when the division is such a toss up. If the Ravens do make a push and Bateman improves the air show, he may be worth a look at offensive rookie of the year at 50/1. Big Truss. Bet Over 11 Wins +100. SB Winners +1400.
The Pittsburgh Steelers -
The Steelers sit in arguably the toughest division in football with the hardest schedule in football. Fans of the black and gold cannot be happy about that, add in the Big Ben farwell, hopefully he goes to prison one day and you get a win total at 8.5. I can't see them being an 8-9 team I really cannot. Najee Harris is looking really good in pre-season and looks like he is going to get a lot of looks in the backfield and target in the air as well. He is a great look at 8/1 to win offensive rookie of the year. He has a high receiving + rushing total at 1350.5 so that tells you the books think he will get the ball thrown to him a lot. I would look up as many props on him as you can find. He is going to be a joy to watch. I can’t see them being under 9 wins and the juice is to the over on 8.5 at +120. I think you take that and look for opportunity to double down or hedge out at the end of the season, because holy fucking shit the last 6 games on their schedule are ridiculously difficult. They play Ravens, @Vikings, Titans, @Chiefs, Browns, Close out @Baltimore. If they look good in the beginning of the year you have a shot, they absolutely have the team to win 4 out of those six games. You are going to have to be paying attention and sweating really hard though. I might be crazy, but if the Steelers can survive this schedule and the team can stay healthy, why can’t Big Rapey Ben get away with one more? Steelers 45/1 to win the SB is worth a shot and over 8.5 wins is too. Bet Over 8.5 Wins +120.
The Cincinnati Bengals -
GO TIGAS! Last year all of our hearts were destroyed when Joe “Booty Fucking” Burrow went down with the ACL injury. It was super sad. But this year he is back and hopefully the Bengals can pick up where they left off with him. The Win total is 6.5 and I would lean under and lay the -120, but my hope is the Bengals can make a run at that total and make the AFC North the best division in football. Gotta play Joe Burrow at 7/1 for comeback player of the year and hope he shines. The Bengals defense is sneaky good, But they do play in a really tough division and they are tied with the Lions for the 6th hardest schedule in football. Maybe the orange cats will compete next year, but for now, we will fade them. And we will be betting them under 1.5 division wins for sure. Sorry Joe, stay healthy bud. Bet Under 6.5 Wins -120.